The Cost of Being.

Everything in life comes at a cost. Friendships, Relationships, Family, Day-to-Day things. We get so use to these mundane expected things we forget how much they matter. The presence of someone you see often verse someone you might get the chance to see a few times a year. The consistent conversations with friends verse the ones that you have to dedicate time to differentiate time zones or schedule a call. Being able to drive a few minutes or an hour verse having to book a flight and specific dates to see someone.

It seems that we appreciate things more when they aren’t at arms length. We get so used to what’s there we forget to appreciate it, to nurture it. It becomes sort of like that we expect and are use to giving and accepting minimal effort to keep these connections even though they matter, again, we forget the value because you’re used to it just being there. The expectation that it’s going to be there no matter what. The expectation that when things get challenging it isn't worth the fight because we are used to the comfort of minimality. When did we become the generation that under appreciates and lacks the effort? Whether you find yourself in the limbo of closeness or distance, it should be effortless to put in effort, to care, to value one another. Be too much, take up space, because what is a connection if not for the purpose of understanding that sometimes people you love will be an inconvenience. It should be effortless for people to show and make their people know they are valued and cared for, even if it gets difficult sometimes. That people are worth the inconvenience if you genuinely love them, care for them. One of my friends recently said to me “I’d rather feel drained or inconvenienced by you than 99.9999 percent of the people I know, because you are worth it.” and another saying “If you are an inconvenience, help them realize that you too deserve to be loved and respected even then. I understand people getting stressed and lashing out but you don’t undervalue someone you love based on something that is human.".

In these moments as well, I have found that it isn't necessarily a bad thing to put effort. Though it is something to realize when effort isn't being reciprocated. In my previous writings, I had talked about how I truly understand that people show up at different levels they can. However, I have never tried to rationalize that sometimes people simply do not care to do so. Some people are sometimes inherently so disconnected from reality or lack empathy or understanding that there are people who experience life drastically different than themselves; it is impossible for them to take a moment to understand a different perspective. Not that this is bad, but often difficult. Difficult in the sense of values become entangled, their way or no way. It becomes a push and pull dynamic where if you take one pull to close they either will completely let go of the rope or pull even harder, which in either way, you fall. Though in these moments, it is a fight for effort. Are you willing to put in the effort to maintain what is good, or are you holding on hoping they will stop the push and pull and just sit at ease in the difference. Hoping that there is a part of them that will walk up to you and effortlessly understand that differences don't necessarily have to create divide, but instead create a strengthened bond, an armor for what was there in the first place.

In the years since I've began writing, I noticed a pattern in myself that at times of unease and discomfort, when I begin to feel that I am not being heard or seen, I write how I feel to help visualize and show my soul the differences in genuine appreciation for my humanity. There are the people I have encountered who inspire me in ways words could not describe. On the other hand, there is that other side of people who have made me completly turn into myself to reflect and self-actualize based on hurtful and indescribable pain given. But what is life if not for the appreciation of both joy and pain. To be loved and cared for so effortlessly, to be loved is to be seen, known, respected, valued, to put in effort even if its inconvenient.

"Please keep your bare minimum away from me. I want someone who shows up with passion, not just a shrug. You're only "unrealistic for someone who wants to keep you on their same level. You're only "difficult" for someone who's always used to getting their way. You're only "stubborn" for someone who wants your standards to be negotiable. You're only "dramatic" for someone who is uncomfortable with honesty."