I go through phases of silence and chaos. Finding the beauty in each surrounding. The moments with friends and family where at one moment everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs in joy or laughter filling the air to those moments where grief has a hold on our hearts and it’s the motions and silence that hold us together. I think it’s vital to have these moments.
I’ve always found comfort in chaos, finding joy in every moment like it could be the last. In my final moments, I want to remember that I lived. I want to remember the joy I felt when I was with my friends laughing the nights away, all cuddled up on the couches like nothing else matters but each other’s company. I want to remember the nights with my family, reminiscing around the dinner table, playing games until the sun rose, the sleepovers with mattresses spread all through the house so we could spend every fleeting minute with each other because we were scared of growing up. I want to remember the nights when I sat in the bathroom with my best friend, watching her grieve a life she no longer has, not because of the pain and tears vocalized, but for the reason of vulnerability. I want to remember the nights with my friends when we go to each other’s houses for girls’ nights but end up chit-chatting about things we never thought we could. I want to remember the days when there was no plan, and everything was spontaneous. I want to remember the beauty in all these moments, the moments in the silence and chaos.
I think it’s incredible to live a life where chaos and silence can intertwine. It is so beautiful to be able to connect to every moment on a deeper level. I think it’s important to tell each person in your life how much they matter. You never know how much time you have left, or even how much these people need to know they matter.
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