The Art of Healing

Healing is a funny thing. It's often that I feel that I am stuck in one spot while everyone around me is moving forward. However, I don't feel as if I am going backward, but embracing the moments of stillness. The ability to want change. Healing isn't linear.

I often find myself thinking I am a bad person. When I have the times to self-actualize, I often catch myself tearing down every aspect of my character. My thoughts become repetitive until it's believable. The idea that I am putting myself out to be kinder than I am, that I am not as good of a person as I think I am, and the impractical idea that I'm victimizing myself even if logically I know that my feelings are valid, even if no one else understands it.

Through the thick and thins of life, I always know deep down that regardless of how difficult the road is, I will find my way through it. Some days, it's harder to be optimistic and see the best in these situations, but I remind myself that eventually, everything will work out in my favor. Take it day by day, step by step, and inevitably, you'll get through.

Recently in the past year, I've been lucky enough to make some new friends and reconnect with old friends, who have allowed me to be completely and utterly my genuine self. There comes a point in friendship where you break the barriers of the unknown and fully nosedive into the vulnerability of eachother. These friends through the years and recently have taught me so much and I treasure every moment. Truthfully, I know I can be difficult to understand, as my moods fluctuate from being outgoing to completely closing and pushing everyone out. My friends, they saw me visibly hurting, but still choose to love me, to be there for me even if I was breaking down. The patience of others is a gift in itself. These are the people who heal me. Who help fix things they did not break.

Healing comes in waves, sometimes when you least expect it, something or someone will come out of nowhere and heal parts of you that you didn't know were damaged. Sometimes, it's in the presence of good people, or a night out in town, or a movie night, or a night drive listening to music and laughing reminiscing about memories. Healing takes time.

This is a thank you, for my friends. Who love me on purpose. The ones who choose to spend time with me, care about me, and love me, especially when it's difficult to do so. Who visibly have seen me hurting, but loved me anyways.

-A